Random Thoughts

I am still alive and well. We have been so busy trying to get everything done before we come home, that I haven't had time to write. I have wanted to sit down to blog a few times, but as soon as I do, someone (Tom), tells me something else that must get done......what ever Tom, don't you realize how important blogging is???? So I have been given a few minutes reprieve from my task-master husband, and have decided to write a quick note.

Nattie was sick at the beginning of the week; it looks like she has a parasite that will be typed tomorrow (here in Africa tomorrow means anywhere from right now to six months from now). Hopefully we will see what bug it is this time, and get her on medicine before we come home. Other than those pesky parasites we are pretty much healthy (at least for now).

Cassie was planning on getting her hair braided before we left to surprise everyone at home, but it looks like we can't get the right color of hair to put in her braids. Apparently her hair won't stay in braids unless she has fake hair braided in with her real hair.... who knew. Next time we will come prepared with hair from the states.

We have all been packing and trying to find clothes that fit (my kids have grown) that will also keep us warm. Yes, Lindsay, I know California is not cold compared to the Great White North, but I am still going to freeze. Especially since it has been yucky Hot today, the kind of hot that make you in a bad mood, and makes the flies stick to you. I hate flies and mosquitoes, yet they are ever-present here. I am the crazy fly swatter lady that goes around muttering to herself how much she hates flies, and screams at everyone for misplacing her fly swatter.... it isn't pretty.

I better close before I start detailing my whole life. Can't wait to see the good ol' USA, See you all soon.

Thanksgiving

I have been sicker than a dog......I have no idea where that saying came from, but decided it was an appropriate way to describe my last few days. I haven't been "in bed for days" sick in a long time, and I had forgotten how much I hate it. I'm blaming the smallest child in the Westfall family for the germ; he was sick last week and nothing seemed to make him happy except for cuddling with his mama. Normally I love this, but I knew that as he was breathing his hot, three year old, germ breathe on me I was going to get sick. Today I woke up feeling like I got hit by a train, but I'm excited because that is an improvement. I have to say that it is a lot better being sick when you live in a place that you can call your mom and tell her your sick. My mom is really great at taking care of people when they are sick; my husband, on the other hand, is learning (he is great at so many other things....this just happens to be one of his weaknesses, but it is easily forgiven because he is so good-looking).

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! In my medicine-head state I almost forgot that it's Thanksgiving. We are going to have a missionary potluck today at two, so I need to try and drag myself into the kitchen and try to make some food. Cassie told me she would help me, when did she get so old??? At home for Thanksgiving we have a tradition of going around the table and telling what we are thankful for; since I am in Africa, I have decided that all of you are going to be a part of that tradition. I will tell what I'm thankful for and then you comment back to me what you are thankful for, sounds like a fun game to me! Here goes.....

This year has taught me a great many things about myself and what I am most thankful for this year is that I serve an incredible God, that isn't content to leave me the way I am, but is constantly challenging me to become what He knows I can be. I am also Thankful that God has given me an amazing man to spend my life with...he not only is my husband, but my dearest friend and I am privileged to be his wife. I am thankful for the four children that the Lord has loaned us, words can't describe the joy they bring. I am thankful for Kenyans as they have taught me to be content with little, or abundance, to be generous no matter what you have, to be happy with who you are, and to RELAX (not everything is a big deal...enjoy life). So this Thanksgiving remember that the Lord has blessed us all abundantly, and praise Him for all that He has given!

Defiance

I decided about two weeks ago that I would not get defensive when some one confronted me; my defenses seem to pop up when I am convicted. It’s easier to be irritated and frustrated rather than deal with my own sin. So now when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I'm ready to throw down, I try to stop and ask myself why I'm irritated; more often than not, the answer is, I don't like seeing my short comings. Tonight our friends came over for dinner and I was ranting and raving about the injustices of my life, and very calmly Daniel asked what the Bible had to say about my situation. I was instantly annoyed, I was ready for a fight, and then I remembered my pledge, I had to rationally listen to what was being said. I don't know about you, but it's really hard for me to do this because I know that it's going to bring into the light things I would rather leave in the dark. But the Lord is not content to leave me in the dark, so he brings people like Daniel in my life to keep me in check. When I simmered down enough to listen him he was talking about Galatians, and how it talks about reaping what you sow. My arms were crossed, and I stared at him with the same look my twelve year old gives me when she's been caught. My mind was filled with thoughts of, “is he saying that I had a bad day because I sowed bad seed?” That was said in the tone of HOW DARE HE!!! I had to think about what he said for a little while; one, because I don't like being told it's my fault, two, my feathers were pretty ruffled, and three, somewhere deep down I knew it was true. I can't do anything about the circumstances of my life, but I do have control over my own attitude. My attitude has been pretty foul lately, I've got great excuses: I'm sleep deprived, I had two sick kids, and I gave up sweets two months ago because I was taking far too much solace in them. But the fact remains, when I choose to look at all the irritants in my life, all that annoys me, my circumstances seem pretty grim.....I reap irritation, and annoyance and bitterness. When I turn my eyes back to the Lord, I am more likely to forgive the irritants, I am more apt to overlook the annoyances and what I reap is PEACE. So Daniel, in your very direct, Daniel, way thanks for being a friend that doesn't waver from the truth, and reminds me when I have a defiant spirit that I will reap what I sow. Thanks also for turning me to Galatians 6:9 (NIV), "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Deception

I asked the Lord to show me any way that the enemy has been deceiving me. I have been surprised by the answer; the enemy seems to be using the very same deception he used on Eve. I have been deceived into believing that God doesn’t have my best interest in mind. I can look at my life here in Kisumu and think about how much happier I would be at home with my family and friends. I wouldn’t be lonely; I wouldn’t be struggling to home school alone. I would have people around that could encourage me and show me better ways to teach; I would be surrounded by support. I think about financial security, how life seems somewhat easier knowing that you can provide for yourself. I think about the fact that a steady paycheck sounds like something God would want for me. I think about feeling useful at home; I loved being in leadership in women’s Bible study, and enjoyed hosting small groups in our home. I feel somehow cheated because Kenya has taken all this away from me. I think about, when is it my turn to be happy, to feel content; I can get almost angry that Tom likes being here and the whole family is here because of him. I cry out to the Lord to show me when I get to be the one with a purpose, with a ministry...........here in lies the problem, I’m being deceived!!!! I am believing that God is holding out on me, that there is something better. I love that the Lord showed me this, but it is a brutal blow to my spiritual ego.

I made a list of all the things that I am believing, and then went to the Bible to see what it had to say about my feelings. I realized I am believing a lot of lies; I need to be memorizing the truth in scripture so that I can combat those deceptive thoughts. It’s interesting when you start to see yourself in a battle, you start to think differently about your situation. I probably would be happier at home, physically, but where would I be spiritually. Satan deceives us into believing that this world is all physical and that the spiritual component doesn’t exist. He whispers in our ear that our reality is what we see; we need to go after what makes us happy because this is all there is. In the Bible the Lord is constantly telling us to fix our eyes on Him, why? because when we do we remember that there is a spiritual component to life. Sometimes things are hard physically simply because they would be in our best interest spiritually. It helps us persevere to know that God has our best interests in mind; we might not see it physically, it might not even feel good, but God is interested in our spirits. He is interested in the eternal part of us, the part that will one day down before His throne and proclaim Him Lord. What is better spiritually might not always be what is physically best; so we must remember 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 (NIV), “Therefore do not loose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Endurance

A couple of weeks ago I made up a workout involving the flight of stairs leading up to my front door, a jump rope and some jumping jacks. I wish that I never came up with this circuit from hades, but I did, and now I wake up in the morning feeling obligated to do it. This morning as I was running my stairs, wishing I would fall down them to put me out of my misery, I realized that what I’m building is endurance. Physical endurance, enables you to go faster and longer. Next week this workout will be easier, and the next week I may even be able to add yet another station to my circuit (hopefully not). But as I was running this morning, contemplating quitting, I realized I’m not doing this for the now, but rather for the future. The now is hard, it hurts and I'm pretty sure my body would rather me give up; but my mind knows that my body will be happier if I keep going, if I endure. So I keep going and I endure the pain now for the future rewards.

This is exactly what the storms of life are like, when they rage all around us it’s hard to keep our focus. It’s hard to remember why we are enduring, instead of just quitting. It’s hard to get up in the morning and make yourself go through the routine. But this morning I was reminded that my life right now is building spiritual endurance. I will be stronger next week; and the week after I just might have to endure a stronger storm, but I need to remember I’m not doing this for the now, but rather for the future. Everyday is a strengthening and if I just continue to walk, even when everything in me screams “quit”, I will one day be victorious! My reward is heaven; this life is but a breath, it is here one minute and gone the next, so how am I going to spend it? Am I going to endure, doing the work God has called me to, or am I going to quit? My mind says quit a lot, but the Lord knows that I will be much happier if I keep going, if I endure. So I keep going and I endure the pain now for the future rewards.

Monopoly

This weekend was a Monopoly marathon...actually an Animalopoly marathon. You guessed it, Animalopoly is Monopoly with animals. Zach got it from his Aunt for his birthday last week, and let's just say, it was a big hit. Only one problem though, I hate Monopoly, but my children always guilt me into playing. I usually enjoy the first few hours of the game, it's the last few that kill me. Our friends Mike and Karen (missionaries with Agape) are in the states for a few weeks and we are looking after their son, Paul. Paul couldn't go with them because his adoption isn't complete, and he can't leave the country. My kids are so happy that he couldn't go because they LOVE having him here, and as an added bonus I don't have to play Monopoly, Paul can! One game actually started Friday evening, went until 12:30 am (when I made them go to bed), resumed Saturday morning when they woke up, and was finished by lunch time. I thought after that kind of time commitment Paul would never want to see Monopoly again, but I was wrong, it has been played at least five more times this weekend.

I'm very thankful for Paul, he is a good friend to Zach and has made the transition of living here much easier for my kids. He is 12, but gets along well with all my kids. It's funny how the Lord works because we used to sponsor Paul at Agape before he went to live with Mike and Karen, and now we get to have him as a part of our family for most of November.

I just saw the most gigantic gecko walk across the floor.....gross. I made Zach and Paul try to find it, but it has made itself invisible and now I wonder where it went. I don't usually mind geckoes because they eat mosquitoes, but it creeps me out when the are on the floor (instead of the wall) because I think they are going to run across my feet. I better go and put my feet up!

Sadness

For the past month I have struggled with sadness. It hasn't been because of homesickness or culture shock, but rather it has been a deep, dark, debilitating sadness. I have never felt this way before and I hope never to feel this way again. Last week my mom told me to start fighting this sadness spiritually. Over the past month I had been praying for the Lord to help me; I was trying to wait patiently for an answer, but none came, until I talked to my mom. I started praying not only for the Lord to heal me, but also that the Lord would bind the enemy from my life and the lives of my kids (another story all together). I woke up the next morning feeling like I could get through my day, I wasn't normal, but I wasn't under a dark cloud either. I am continuing to fight this battle with sadness, and everyday I am feeling stronger and more able to cope with life. Today was the first day in a long time that I have felt joy, it is an incredible feeling; I am amazed at how the Lord has been using this weak servant to do His work. He has strengthened me everyday to take one more step and has taught me a lot about leaning on Him. I have never felt more alone here, yet I feel closer to the Lord. Thank you father that you are working this out for good and that you do all things well.

Have you ever been doing something and thought, this is what I was created to do? That is the feeling I had today after I was sharing the word, it was so amazing and I feel like the Lord used this experience to help bring back a little of my joy. I'm excited to see how the Lord is going to use me. I know on my own I can wander down the road of despair, but with Christ there is passion and strength and healing. Pray that the Lord would continue this healing in my life; who knows, maybe there will be a new work for me at the end of all this.

Halloween has a whole new meaning to me living here. There is a lot of witchcraft here; it very oppressive. I guess I just never saw this end of the candy giving holiday, please pray for Kisumu; this town needs the Lord.