Humbled

Sometimes I hate being the new kid on the block. It seems like I'm always trying to put my best foot forward. I want people to like me, so naturally, I don't want to show them the nasty sides of my personality. The problem is, I just so happen to be one of those people that have many repelling qualities; let's just say I'm an acquired taste. At home it's easier, people know me; they understand that I'm too opinionated for my own good. But here people don't know my heart, they don't understand that I have many great qualities, they just might have to dig a little to find them. For the record, I really do try to keep my mouth shut; I want so badly to be a person that has a quiet spirit, but for some reason the desire to speak my opinion over runs my desire for meekness every time. The only reason I bring all this up, is to share why I left Bible Study with a heavy heart today. I go to a Thursday afternoon Bible study with some other missionary women, and I love it. The wisdom of these ladies amazes me; they have helped me through many sad days. Today I went to Bible study with the best of intentions, but as we were all discussing our lesson, an opinion was shared that I didn't necessarily agree with. If I would of kept my mouth shut no one would have been the wiser, but for some reason I decided to ask questions so that I could better understand what they were saying.... that was mistake number one. Mistake number two came when I decided to share my own opinion. Mistake number three was the rebuttal I made after my opinion was disagreed with. I didn't want to win them over to my side, I was just trying to explain my way of thinking. My mom says when I am trying to defend myself I am intense and sometimes abrasive. Mistake number four I was intense and somewhat abrasive. I left that Bible study wishing I could have taken everything back. Does anyone else put their foot in their mouth as much as I do? Is it pride that makes me feel I need to share my opinion with everyone? I wish I knew why I did this, because maybe I could stop. I fear I have tarnished my very new reputation here, and that hurts my heart more than I can express. No one was mean to me or said anything about it (they are all too nice for that), I just left knowing I had made a fool of myself and I felt about two inches tall. I remember Beth Moore saying that anything that humbles us is good for us. I am humbled, but it doesn't feel good. I have to remember I serve a forgiving God and that, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1, NIV) Praise God. I just got done instant messaging my mom and I feel a ton better. I am still a struggling sinner just forgiven......thanks mom for reminding me of that.