I asked the Lord to show me any way that the enemy has been deceiving me. I have been surprised by the answer; the enemy seems to be using the very same deception he used on Eve. I have been deceived into believing that God doesn’t have my best interest in mind. I can look at my life here in Kisumu and think about how much happier I would be at home with my family and friends. I wouldn’t be lonely; I wouldn’t be struggling to home school alone. I would have people around that could encourage me and show me better ways to teach; I would be surrounded by support. I think about financial security, how life seems somewhat easier knowing that you can provide for yourself. I think about the fact that a steady paycheck sounds like something God would want for me. I think about feeling useful at home; I loved being in leadership in women’s Bible study, and enjoyed hosting small groups in our home. I feel somehow cheated because Kenya has taken all this away from me. I think about, when is it my turn to be happy, to feel content; I can get almost angry that Tom likes being here and the whole family is here because of him. I cry out to the Lord to show me when I get to be the one with a purpose, with a ministry...........here in lies the problem, I’m being deceived!!!! I am believing that God is holding out on me, that there is something better. I love that the Lord showed me this, but it is a brutal blow to my spiritual ego.
I made a list of all the things that I am believing, and then went to the Bible to see what it had to say about my feelings. I realized I am believing a lot of lies; I need to be memorizing the truth in scripture so that I can combat those deceptive thoughts. It’s interesting when you start to see yourself in a battle, you start to think differently about your situation. I probably would be happier at home, physically, but where would I be spiritually. Satan deceives us into believing that this world is all physical and that the spiritual component doesn’t exist. He whispers in our ear that our reality is what we see; we need to go after what makes us happy because this is all there is. In the Bible the Lord is constantly telling us to fix our eyes on Him, why? because when we do we remember that there is a spiritual component to life. Sometimes things are hard physically simply because they would be in our best interest spiritually. It helps us persevere to know that God has our best interests in mind; we might not see it physically, it might not even feel good, but God is interested in our spirits. He is interested in the eternal part of us, the part that will one day down before His throne and proclaim Him Lord. What is better spiritually might not always be what is physically best; so we must remember 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 (NIV), “Therefore do not loose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 comments:
My Sweet Lady:
You would love the Bible study I'm going through now. I know I've mentioned it before "Restoring Love" by Debbie Alsdorf. It's about the very thing you have been dealing with.
She quotes Beth Moore "A stonghold is anything that exalts itself in our minds "pretending" to be bigger or more powerful than our God. It steals much of our focus and causes us to feel overpowered. Controlled. Mastered. Whether the stronghold is an addiction, unforgiveness toward a person who has hurt us or despair over loss, it is something that consumes so much of our emotional and mental energy that abundant life is strangled--or callings remain largely unfulfilled and our believing lives are virtually ineffective. Needless to say, these are the enemy's precise goals".
I feel the enemy has gotten a foothold in your "despair over loss" and it's grown into a mighty stronghold. The nice thing about it is you are now recognizing it and can with God's power tear it down. Beth Moore says,"God has handed us two sticks of dynamite with which to demolish our strongholds: His Word and prayer. What is more powerful than two sticks of dynamite placed in separate locations? Two strapped together".
Debbie Alsdorf says, "Most of us don't take the time to identify our problems and consequestly we don't take the time to address them. Usually we just whine about them or hide them and feel like a failure as the weakness or problem continues to overtake us". My sweet lady, from your blog I can see you have taken the time to identify the problems and now you're addressing them. Just remember the enemy doesn't want you to have victory but recognizing that and arming yourself with God's Word and prayer you will continue to be victorious.
Twenty days until we pick you up at SFO!!
We are sooo very excited to see all your sweet faces.
I love you,
Mom
Ju
I think you are going to find when you get home that life is life no matter where you live. You can feel sad, lonely, and bored in a place you have lived your whole life and you can feel excited and purposeful in the same place. I talked with a missionary from Ethiopia. She told me your first year is going to be hard and their is nothing you can do to speed it up. You will have to go through that process. The Lord has light for you. You will get through this time. He will bring through to victory on the other side. Are circumstances are never forever! I love you, sweet Ungie
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