For the past month I have struggled with sadness. It hasn't been because of homesickness or culture shock, but rather it has been a deep, dark, debilitating sadness. I have never felt this way before and I hope never to feel this way again. Last week my mom told me to start fighting this sadness spiritually. Over the past month I had been praying for the Lord to help me; I was trying to wait patiently for an answer, but none came, until I talked to my mom. I started praying not only for the Lord to heal me, but also that the Lord would bind the enemy from my life and the lives of my kids (another story all together). I woke up the next morning feeling like I could get through my day, I wasn't normal, but I wasn't under a dark cloud either. I am continuing to fight this battle with sadness, and everyday I am feeling stronger and more able to cope with life. Today was the first day in a long time that I have felt joy, it is an incredible feeling; I am amazed at how the Lord has been using this weak servant to do His work. He has strengthened me everyday to take one more step and has taught me a lot about leaning on Him. I have never felt more alone here, yet I feel closer to the Lord. Thank you father that you are working this out for good and that you do all things well.
Have you ever been doing something and thought, this is what I was created to do? That is the feeling I had today after I was sharing the word, it was so amazing and I feel like the Lord used this experience to help bring back a little of my joy. I'm excited to see how the Lord is going to use me. I know on my own I can wander down the road of despair, but with Christ there is passion and strength and healing. Pray that the Lord would continue this healing in my life; who knows, maybe there will be a new work for me at the end of all this.
Halloween has a whole new meaning to me living here. There is a lot of witchcraft here; it very oppressive. I guess I just never saw this end of the candy giving holiday, please pray for Kisumu; this town needs the Lord.
2 comments:
Hey Ju,
I have been wanting to call and talk to you. Everytime I do Bob Rosenbaum tells me that he can't come to the phone. I think that means it's busy. Tell Zach Happy late Birthday and that I tried to call and couldn't get through. I hope that it was a great birthday for him. I am glad to hear that you had a good day today! I have been praying for you and your sadness. I love you so much and hope that god will continue to bring you joy!!! Hope to talk to you soon. Beck
My darling girl:
I too am very glad to hear you had a good day. In my Bible study the author quoted Cynthia Heald "God will take events and intervene to accomplish His purpose. But God also will initiate circumstances that will cause us to depend upon Him and acknowledge Him as we never have before." I would say God is using your sadness to see if you will turn to Him, depend on Him and acknowledge Him as you never have before. I'm very happy to hear my advice is helping you. Beth Moore says, remember the enemy is always trying to take you back to your deepest despair. Debbie Alsdorf, the author of my Bible study says "we now must establish firmly in our minds two truths.
1. There is a God in heaven who redeems (restores) and rebuilds by His great strength.
2. There is an enemy that attempts to stop the process of the rebuilding (restoring) work." The parenthesis are mine. Nehemiah 4:20 says, our God will fight for us. So my sweet lady, draw near to Him, focus on Him and through His great strength you WILL have victory. Don't let Satan drag you back to your deep dark sadness.
I love you and can't wait for December 3 to arrive. YEAH TEAM!!!
Mom
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