Bullet Holes

A few days ago I found out that my house in Kenya now sports bullet holes. Wow, that's something I never expected to hear; as I write this I wonder how I will incorporate them into my decorating? I was thinking of changing my style to more of a gangster motif; I think the bullet holes might lend a unique design flair. All kidding aside, I am truly thankful that I have been in the US during this time. The bullet holes were just a reminder that Kenya is a very unstable place right now, our house just so happens to be at the center of the instability, being in Kisumu. We live among the Lou tribe who are fighting the Kikuyu's for what appears to be a rigged election. The violence in Kisumu has settled down over the past few days, but as we have seen over the past few weeks it takes very little to start a whole new round of violence. It seems with every announcement Kisumu erupts into riots. As I said before we are just waiting to see how everything plays out before we go back. To tell you the truth, I'm a bit nervous to go back into something that in a second can turn violent. Life definitely won't be the same, 80% of the businesses in Kisumu have been looted and burned, and one of our missionaries (that stayed in country) said it looks like a war zone.

As I write this I am struck with the fear of going back; will God truly call me back to all this? The uncertainty is difficult, and being up in the air is a hard way to live. But I know that God was faithful to bring me home during this time and that He will be faithful to protect me if He calls me back. When I first came home I was spiritually beat-up. I was angry at ministry and frustrated with what we as a family were called to do. The time I have spent home has been a gift; a time of refreshing. I feel my strength coming back; and can now see things through a logical lens, instead of a lens of anger.

Loneliness is something I don't think we ever get used to, but looking back at my time in Kenya I realize that most of my growth came through the very thing I hated. It was at times of extreme loneliness that the Lord and I had sweet fellowship, I hate to say it, but I miss that..... (the fellowship, not the loneliness). The problem is the fellowship wouldn't have been as sweet without the loneliness. I'm reading an allegory called, "Hinds Feet on High Places", which has shown me that we seem to grow the most when our companions are sorrow and suffering. No one likes to hear that, and going through it is even harder, but it is when we have come out the other side that we realize sorrow and suffering were not our cross to bear, but rather God given guides to maturity. I stand amazed at a God that can use the hard times to mold broken pots into useful vessels.