I hate rejection. I actually don’t know of anyone who enjoys it, the thing is, I hate it, yet I seem to attract it; Why is that? I try so hard to keep myself safe from its bite, but every now and then I let my guard down, and BAM, it gets the best of me. The thing I hate most about rejection is its ability to take away my self worth. In no time flat, I am reduced to a weeping mess that is unsure of everything she has ever accomplished in life. I wish I could think logically and realize that just because someone doesn’t like who I am or what I have done, doesn’t mean that I am any less of a person. In my imagination I am that person, I am able to think, I am confident and can stand up for myself; but in real life, I have to admit, I really want people to like me.
I’m realizing that being excluded feels like rejection. It’s just wrapped up prettier; instead of coming right out and saying you aren’t good enough, it says maybe next time.... I actually think it’s more cunning because it keeps you waiting. I am also realizing that no matter how many times you have been rejected, it doesn’t get any easier. I wonder if you ever get to the point when it doesn’t sting anymore? When it doesn’t take away a part of you?
And then I turn to Jesus..... “He was despised and rejected by men, and man of sorrows and familiar with suffering.” (Isaiah 53:3 NIV) And I realize that He knows rejection, He knows exclusion.... even to death. And somehow this brings me comfort; this takes away the sting. I don’t know if it’s because I have a God who will never reject me, or if it’s because I know He has gone through it all before. Either way I know I’m not alone, and even if the people in this world don’t understand me, or like me, or want me, I have a God who does, and that seems to make everything a little lighter.
2 comments:
Julie, I've been thinking about you a lot this week; it's good to see you posting again. I've been praying for you, don't know why, but as I said, you've been on my mind a lot lately. Drop me a line sometime when you're free and let me know how things are going. Love you! - Angela
Darling Ju, I can't imagine anyone not loving your fresh sense of humour (Canadian spelling), your quick wit and your warm, caring personality. It's impossible for me to imagine, but as always with your writing I totally understand what you are trying to say and have been there myself. Know that you have so many people in your life who love you beyond measure and accept you just the way you are. Please call me one of these days or I'll try you through your mom because I want to chat with you!!! Much love from Julianne
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