Elections

I haven't written in awhile for two reasons; 1) sickness, most of my family has had the stomach flu and now I am lucky enough to have caught a yucky cold as well, and 2) We have been super busy eating.....I think we have all gained 10 pounds, which just goes to show, we have NO SELF CONTROL. This time at home has been bittersweet, sweet to see family and friends, but the thought of returning to a lonely life in Africa is still a bit bitter.

I am one of the lucky missionaries that got to return home during elections. Kenya had their elections Dec. 27Th and rioting was expected as the top presidential candidates are from two opposing tribes. Many of our friends are still in Kenya enduring the rioting that is happening right now. Please be praying for them as they are in a small town about 75 miles outside of Kisumu. They left town to wait out the elections as most of the rioting is in Kisumu. I called them this morning and they have herd that many of the businesses in Kisumu have been looted and burned; if they don't declare a president soon it is expected to get worse. They are all safe at "The Farm", Agape's vocational training center in Mitoso, but they are anxiously awaiting the election to be called to see if more violence will break out. Please be praying for this whole situation as rioting seems to escalate quickly in Africa. I will post more when I hear from them.

We're Home

We are finally home; we got home on Monday (California time) and have been trying to adjust to the time ever since. After not sleeping for 2 days we came home, got in our bed for a good nights sleep, and my Sammers woke up with the stomach flu and has been sick ever since. I found out that three days without sleep makes me a mean and grumpy person. Last night I slept until 1:00am, I woke up, and stayed awake until 3:00am. My body was thinking it was time to eat, but I stayed strong and did not eat; thinking that somehow by being hungry it would help me to get over jet lag.... not really sure why this made since in the middle of the night, but it seemed logical at the time.

Today we took Sam to the doctor. The doctor seemed to think that Sam is on the upswing, and so it was pretty much a wasted trip. I am praying for him because this sickness has wiped him out, and I hate seeing him so sick. Natalie on the other hand is happier than I have seen her in a long time; it is so good to see her silly once again. My big kids are visiting their old school, talking to their friends, and generally having a great time. I got my hair colored yesterday, and once again look as though I'm in my thirties (instead of my 50's), I can't believe how much grey I have!

I just wanted to update you all on the happenings of the Westfalls, and also to ask you to pray for my Sammers. Talk to you soon.

Friends

We leave today!!! I can't believe that we are actually going to start our long journey home in just a few more hours. Last night I was trying to go to sleep, but in all the excitement I just couldn't make myself. I was surprised by the emotions I was feeling; I felt sadness over leaving this place. I don't yet consider this my home, and it is an extremely frustrating place to live, but I have some special friends that I love and will miss. It is amazing how close we have gotten in a short amount of time because we are in this together; this life of third world living, where kids get sick, parents get scared, ministry takes over life, and life is overwhelmingly frustrating at times. We give strength and challenge each other to keep going. I have never experienced anything like it in my life, and I'm grateful that the Lord has given me such a great Kisumu (or Stinktown as Lindsay calls it) family. As I was sleepless in Stinktown last night I realized that even though I have had a hard time adjusting to this new life, I wouldn't trade this experience because of the friends I have made and the maturity I have gained. Praise God for times of swimming in green pools, sunsets that are unbelievable, Samosa Saturday, but most of all PRAYER..... it has kept us going. There are a lot of tired missionaries of this side of the world that will need a lot of prayer over the holidays, please remember to lift them up. They are amazing people that aren’t going home to celebrate Christmas, but wish they were. I will miss you guys and I love you more than you will ever know!!! Merry Christmas, see you in January.

Random Thoughts

I am still alive and well. We have been so busy trying to get everything done before we come home, that I haven't had time to write. I have wanted to sit down to blog a few times, but as soon as I do, someone (Tom), tells me something else that must get done......what ever Tom, don't you realize how important blogging is???? So I have been given a few minutes reprieve from my task-master husband, and have decided to write a quick note.

Nattie was sick at the beginning of the week; it looks like she has a parasite that will be typed tomorrow (here in Africa tomorrow means anywhere from right now to six months from now). Hopefully we will see what bug it is this time, and get her on medicine before we come home. Other than those pesky parasites we are pretty much healthy (at least for now).

Cassie was planning on getting her hair braided before we left to surprise everyone at home, but it looks like we can't get the right color of hair to put in her braids. Apparently her hair won't stay in braids unless she has fake hair braided in with her real hair.... who knew. Next time we will come prepared with hair from the states.

We have all been packing and trying to find clothes that fit (my kids have grown) that will also keep us warm. Yes, Lindsay, I know California is not cold compared to the Great White North, but I am still going to freeze. Especially since it has been yucky Hot today, the kind of hot that make you in a bad mood, and makes the flies stick to you. I hate flies and mosquitoes, yet they are ever-present here. I am the crazy fly swatter lady that goes around muttering to herself how much she hates flies, and screams at everyone for misplacing her fly swatter.... it isn't pretty.

I better close before I start detailing my whole life. Can't wait to see the good ol' USA, See you all soon.

Thanksgiving

I have been sicker than a dog......I have no idea where that saying came from, but decided it was an appropriate way to describe my last few days. I haven't been "in bed for days" sick in a long time, and I had forgotten how much I hate it. I'm blaming the smallest child in the Westfall family for the germ; he was sick last week and nothing seemed to make him happy except for cuddling with his mama. Normally I love this, but I knew that as he was breathing his hot, three year old, germ breathe on me I was going to get sick. Today I woke up feeling like I got hit by a train, but I'm excited because that is an improvement. I have to say that it is a lot better being sick when you live in a place that you can call your mom and tell her your sick. My mom is really great at taking care of people when they are sick; my husband, on the other hand, is learning (he is great at so many other things....this just happens to be one of his weaknesses, but it is easily forgiven because he is so good-looking).

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! In my medicine-head state I almost forgot that it's Thanksgiving. We are going to have a missionary potluck today at two, so I need to try and drag myself into the kitchen and try to make some food. Cassie told me she would help me, when did she get so old??? At home for Thanksgiving we have a tradition of going around the table and telling what we are thankful for; since I am in Africa, I have decided that all of you are going to be a part of that tradition. I will tell what I'm thankful for and then you comment back to me what you are thankful for, sounds like a fun game to me! Here goes.....

This year has taught me a great many things about myself and what I am most thankful for this year is that I serve an incredible God, that isn't content to leave me the way I am, but is constantly challenging me to become what He knows I can be. I am also Thankful that God has given me an amazing man to spend my life with...he not only is my husband, but my dearest friend and I am privileged to be his wife. I am thankful for the four children that the Lord has loaned us, words can't describe the joy they bring. I am thankful for Kenyans as they have taught me to be content with little, or abundance, to be generous no matter what you have, to be happy with who you are, and to RELAX (not everything is a big deal...enjoy life). So this Thanksgiving remember that the Lord has blessed us all abundantly, and praise Him for all that He has given!

Defiance

I decided about two weeks ago that I would not get defensive when some one confronted me; my defenses seem to pop up when I am convicted. It’s easier to be irritated and frustrated rather than deal with my own sin. So now when the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I'm ready to throw down, I try to stop and ask myself why I'm irritated; more often than not, the answer is, I don't like seeing my short comings. Tonight our friends came over for dinner and I was ranting and raving about the injustices of my life, and very calmly Daniel asked what the Bible had to say about my situation. I was instantly annoyed, I was ready for a fight, and then I remembered my pledge, I had to rationally listen to what was being said. I don't know about you, but it's really hard for me to do this because I know that it's going to bring into the light things I would rather leave in the dark. But the Lord is not content to leave me in the dark, so he brings people like Daniel in my life to keep me in check. When I simmered down enough to listen him he was talking about Galatians, and how it talks about reaping what you sow. My arms were crossed, and I stared at him with the same look my twelve year old gives me when she's been caught. My mind was filled with thoughts of, “is he saying that I had a bad day because I sowed bad seed?” That was said in the tone of HOW DARE HE!!! I had to think about what he said for a little while; one, because I don't like being told it's my fault, two, my feathers were pretty ruffled, and three, somewhere deep down I knew it was true. I can't do anything about the circumstances of my life, but I do have control over my own attitude. My attitude has been pretty foul lately, I've got great excuses: I'm sleep deprived, I had two sick kids, and I gave up sweets two months ago because I was taking far too much solace in them. But the fact remains, when I choose to look at all the irritants in my life, all that annoys me, my circumstances seem pretty grim.....I reap irritation, and annoyance and bitterness. When I turn my eyes back to the Lord, I am more likely to forgive the irritants, I am more apt to overlook the annoyances and what I reap is PEACE. So Daniel, in your very direct, Daniel, way thanks for being a friend that doesn't waver from the truth, and reminds me when I have a defiant spirit that I will reap what I sow. Thanks also for turning me to Galatians 6:9 (NIV), "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Deception

I asked the Lord to show me any way that the enemy has been deceiving me. I have been surprised by the answer; the enemy seems to be using the very same deception he used on Eve. I have been deceived into believing that God doesn’t have my best interest in mind. I can look at my life here in Kisumu and think about how much happier I would be at home with my family and friends. I wouldn’t be lonely; I wouldn’t be struggling to home school alone. I would have people around that could encourage me and show me better ways to teach; I would be surrounded by support. I think about financial security, how life seems somewhat easier knowing that you can provide for yourself. I think about the fact that a steady paycheck sounds like something God would want for me. I think about feeling useful at home; I loved being in leadership in women’s Bible study, and enjoyed hosting small groups in our home. I feel somehow cheated because Kenya has taken all this away from me. I think about, when is it my turn to be happy, to feel content; I can get almost angry that Tom likes being here and the whole family is here because of him. I cry out to the Lord to show me when I get to be the one with a purpose, with a ministry...........here in lies the problem, I’m being deceived!!!! I am believing that God is holding out on me, that there is something better. I love that the Lord showed me this, but it is a brutal blow to my spiritual ego.

I made a list of all the things that I am believing, and then went to the Bible to see what it had to say about my feelings. I realized I am believing a lot of lies; I need to be memorizing the truth in scripture so that I can combat those deceptive thoughts. It’s interesting when you start to see yourself in a battle, you start to think differently about your situation. I probably would be happier at home, physically, but where would I be spiritually. Satan deceives us into believing that this world is all physical and that the spiritual component doesn’t exist. He whispers in our ear that our reality is what we see; we need to go after what makes us happy because this is all there is. In the Bible the Lord is constantly telling us to fix our eyes on Him, why? because when we do we remember that there is a spiritual component to life. Sometimes things are hard physically simply because they would be in our best interest spiritually. It helps us persevere to know that God has our best interests in mind; we might not see it physically, it might not even feel good, but God is interested in our spirits. He is interested in the eternal part of us, the part that will one day down before His throne and proclaim Him Lord. What is better spiritually might not always be what is physically best; so we must remember 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 (NIV), “Therefore do not loose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Endurance

A couple of weeks ago I made up a workout involving the flight of stairs leading up to my front door, a jump rope and some jumping jacks. I wish that I never came up with this circuit from hades, but I did, and now I wake up in the morning feeling obligated to do it. This morning as I was running my stairs, wishing I would fall down them to put me out of my misery, I realized that what I’m building is endurance. Physical endurance, enables you to go faster and longer. Next week this workout will be easier, and the next week I may even be able to add yet another station to my circuit (hopefully not). But as I was running this morning, contemplating quitting, I realized I’m not doing this for the now, but rather for the future. The now is hard, it hurts and I'm pretty sure my body would rather me give up; but my mind knows that my body will be happier if I keep going, if I endure. So I keep going and I endure the pain now for the future rewards.

This is exactly what the storms of life are like, when they rage all around us it’s hard to keep our focus. It’s hard to remember why we are enduring, instead of just quitting. It’s hard to get up in the morning and make yourself go through the routine. But this morning I was reminded that my life right now is building spiritual endurance. I will be stronger next week; and the week after I just might have to endure a stronger storm, but I need to remember I’m not doing this for the now, but rather for the future. Everyday is a strengthening and if I just continue to walk, even when everything in me screams “quit”, I will one day be victorious! My reward is heaven; this life is but a breath, it is here one minute and gone the next, so how am I going to spend it? Am I going to endure, doing the work God has called me to, or am I going to quit? My mind says quit a lot, but the Lord knows that I will be much happier if I keep going, if I endure. So I keep going and I endure the pain now for the future rewards.

Monopoly

This weekend was a Monopoly marathon...actually an Animalopoly marathon. You guessed it, Animalopoly is Monopoly with animals. Zach got it from his Aunt for his birthday last week, and let's just say, it was a big hit. Only one problem though, I hate Monopoly, but my children always guilt me into playing. I usually enjoy the first few hours of the game, it's the last few that kill me. Our friends Mike and Karen (missionaries with Agape) are in the states for a few weeks and we are looking after their son, Paul. Paul couldn't go with them because his adoption isn't complete, and he can't leave the country. My kids are so happy that he couldn't go because they LOVE having him here, and as an added bonus I don't have to play Monopoly, Paul can! One game actually started Friday evening, went until 12:30 am (when I made them go to bed), resumed Saturday morning when they woke up, and was finished by lunch time. I thought after that kind of time commitment Paul would never want to see Monopoly again, but I was wrong, it has been played at least five more times this weekend.

I'm very thankful for Paul, he is a good friend to Zach and has made the transition of living here much easier for my kids. He is 12, but gets along well with all my kids. It's funny how the Lord works because we used to sponsor Paul at Agape before he went to live with Mike and Karen, and now we get to have him as a part of our family for most of November.

I just saw the most gigantic gecko walk across the floor.....gross. I made Zach and Paul try to find it, but it has made itself invisible and now I wonder where it went. I don't usually mind geckoes because they eat mosquitoes, but it creeps me out when the are on the floor (instead of the wall) because I think they are going to run across my feet. I better go and put my feet up!

Sadness

For the past month I have struggled with sadness. It hasn't been because of homesickness or culture shock, but rather it has been a deep, dark, debilitating sadness. I have never felt this way before and I hope never to feel this way again. Last week my mom told me to start fighting this sadness spiritually. Over the past month I had been praying for the Lord to help me; I was trying to wait patiently for an answer, but none came, until I talked to my mom. I started praying not only for the Lord to heal me, but also that the Lord would bind the enemy from my life and the lives of my kids (another story all together). I woke up the next morning feeling like I could get through my day, I wasn't normal, but I wasn't under a dark cloud either. I am continuing to fight this battle with sadness, and everyday I am feeling stronger and more able to cope with life. Today was the first day in a long time that I have felt joy, it is an incredible feeling; I am amazed at how the Lord has been using this weak servant to do His work. He has strengthened me everyday to take one more step and has taught me a lot about leaning on Him. I have never felt more alone here, yet I feel closer to the Lord. Thank you father that you are working this out for good and that you do all things well.

Have you ever been doing something and thought, this is what I was created to do? That is the feeling I had today after I was sharing the word, it was so amazing and I feel like the Lord used this experience to help bring back a little of my joy. I'm excited to see how the Lord is going to use me. I know on my own I can wander down the road of despair, but with Christ there is passion and strength and healing. Pray that the Lord would continue this healing in my life; who knows, maybe there will be a new work for me at the end of all this.

Halloween has a whole new meaning to me living here. There is a lot of witchcraft here; it very oppressive. I guess I just never saw this end of the candy giving holiday, please pray for Kisumu; this town needs the Lord.

Open the Floodgates

We have water once again, actually it was only out for three days for us (some of our friends went without for five days). I'm not sure why they turned the water back on early, but I do have some theories:

1) They feared riot, Julie was getting pretty ugly after three days (by ugly,I'm referring to mood, rather than looks).
2) They realized after three days that man cannot live without water (go figure).
3) They couldn't handle the increase in B.O.
4) The hospitals were full of dehydrated people, only no one could take care of them because the doctors were parched as well.
5) They forgot they had said 6 days.
6) They don't yet realize that a rebel water worker flipped the switch.
7) Hakuna Matata

Just a few reasons that I came up with for the early turn on. That is not to say we weren't happy about it; it was the most exciting thing that happened all week. I think a few tears were shed by Zach because he has to resume showering, but he is now clean and all is well.

Zach's birthday is tomorrow and we are planning a party at Kiboko Bay, it is a hotel where the kids can swim and we can have dinner. Now we are just hoping that it doesn't rain, it usually rains every night here. Normally, we welcome rain because it cools everything down, but tomorrow we will suffer through the heat for Zach's big day.

Nattie keeps saying her Sunday school verse. It's Psalms 1:3, it took me awhile to figure out the reason she says, "Sams Chapta 1 vus 3" is because that is how the Kenyans say it. At first I was wondering where the book of Sams was, but then I heard her say "wata" (water)and I realized that she is saying it with her Kenyan Sunday school teacher's accent (it's pretty funny).

I though I would include a funny story about Sam.... the other day I asked him what kinds of things he will look for in a wife when he is a man, he looked at me and very confidently answered, "my woman has to be blue!" I think the blue part is pretty funny, but am mildly concerned that he calls his future wife "my woman" He also let me know that I could live with him when I am an old woman..... thanks Sam!

All is going well, We are looking forward to celebrating our boys 11th birthday..... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACH. Am I old enough to have an almost 13 year old and an 11 year old??

Water

Our water has been turned off, I thought it was going to be the normal one day shut-off, but it turns out that it will be much longer than that. Six days to be exact, it was shut off Wednesday and it will be turned back on Monday night. We are one of the lucky few that has a large holding tank (it lasts about two days!), needless to say the Westfall's are now on severe water rationing. I am trying to keep a good attitude about the whole situation; I should be happy that at least we have a little water, but I find myself getting grouchy about being stinky. We have gone to Nakumatt and stocked up on drinking water, but I am realizing that water is used for so much more than drinking. Not showering is the least of our problems, six people in a house with toilets that can be flushed once a day makes for one nasty house. I now know why most people in Kenya have a squatty potty (which is a hole in the ground). Actually, it’s more likely that people have a squatty potty because of no indoor plumbing, but you never know...... it could be because the city likes to shut-off the water

I think tonight I am going to try and take a bucket bath, or maybe I'll give my water to Nattie and Sam because they smell like dirty puppies. I can stand my own smell, but I'm starting to have a hard time being around the smaller children. Zach brought up the idea of going to the pool to get clean; we may not be able to soap up, but at least we can get some of the dirt off and maybe the small amount of chlorine might even kill a germ or two (Zach is always thinking). I wonder if we should go swimming with our clothes on, because as much as our bodies need washing our clothes are in need of a good cleaning too. Tom and Cass have resorted to covering their greasy hair with either hat or head-wrap, and Zach is just super excited because he doesn't have to take a shower....... is this just a 10 year old boy phase? I sure hope so.

Not having a TV, we don't know about anything that is happening in the world, much less in Kisumu (not that they have Kisumu news anyway). But, this has shown us, we need to get the Kisumu paper. Apparently, they told everyone about the water shut-off awhile ago..... who knew. The lesson I have learned through this whole process is that ignorance, is definitely not bliss, but rather dirty!

So as you are enjoying your nice, clean water, remember your dirty, parched friends in Kisumu!

Bugs

School is finally finished for today, I actually wasn't sure that it would ever come to a close. But, alas here I sit footloose and fancy free, until tomorrow. I am starting to sound like I don't enjoy teaching my children and that isn't true, but somedays it feels a bit like hitting your head against a cement wall.... multiple times!!!!! These are the days when my sweet first grader doesn't understand a thing I am saying, because she is worried that a big bug will come into our classroom. The days when my sweet Sam doesn't give a flying fig if I am the one in control, he's going to do what he wants anyway. The days when one more assignment makes my hormonal daughter roll her eyes (again), and my ever inquisitive middle son just can't stop asking questions. These are the days that make my head spin and patience grow. I'm blaming the weather, because it's a lot easier than blaming myself. It has been hot in the morning and stormy in the afternoon. I'm not complaining, it is a LOT cooler, but it is causing my kids to act like crazy people. Someone has to back me up here, there has to be a study somewhere verifying my weather theory. Until I find out that my theory is unfounded I refuse to take the blame for my children's unruly behavior....... simply because I don't want to.

So a story about a bug....... big, huge, black, flying insects like to make their way into our classroom. I don't know why, it isn't particularly a beautiful or inviting place, but the fact remains, at least one a day comes in. We have a routine when this small aircraft comes buzzing in, we jump up, scream really loud, duck down (so as not to get hit by it) and run out. When we are all safely out, we look for someone to go in and rid the room of our flying friend. Once the bug is properly disposed of, school resumes and everyone is happy. Today everything happened in the order I described above, but when we ran out, no one could be found to go back in and "take care" of the situation. I decided I would show my children what a courageous mom I was and I stormed back into the room with fire in my eyes and a broom in my hand. I was ready for a fight, but I couldn't find the bug, I looked everywhere, I still have no idea where he went, but after a thorough investigation I called everyone back into class and declared the room safe. Nattie was not convinced, she needed evidence, and when none could be produced she quietly whimpered the rest of the day. the bug was bad enough, the whimpering was pure insanity, but when the girl decided it would be beneficial to scream out every now and again because she thought she saw something....... well, that was when I lost my mind. I was jittery the rest of the day thinking that bug was going to jump out and get me, thanks to a six year old with an active imagination. I hope tomorrow will be a bug free day!

Boundaries

Today has been a good day. I know many of you are saying, FINALLY (actually I'm saying that also). What made it so good, you ask? Well, it was just plain fun; no work, just play. It has been a while since we have had a day like that. This week has been busy for Tom, so the kids and I didn't get to see him much. Today that all changed, and we got to spend the whole day with him, which made all of us a little happier. One of the hardest adjustments, for me, into a life of ministry is the blurry line between work and family life. It seems that every moment is trying to figure out ministry and play gets pushed off until you just don't have it anymore. I don't know how you draw boundaries, but today I realized that we need to. I saw the difference in my attitude as well as the attitudes of our kids when we put time into our family. Why is it that we feel guilty about carving out time to just have fun? There will always be work that needs to be done, but we need to realize that the enemy can easily cause division in a family that isn't spending time resting. So for the first time I realized why it's been hard for me to be here; where most of my frustration has come from, and that is, you never get away from work. Please pray that we can make reasonable boundaries as we make the adjustment into the life of ministry.

Kisumu just seems to be getting hotter everyday, so today we hit the local pool. To our surprise, the pool was clean and the people were few; a great combination if you ask me. The only problem is that when you are on the equator, the sun is like a laser beam that melts your skin off, so us mzungus (whit people) have come home red and needing a lot of aloe vera. We listened to Christmas music all day and laughed because here it is October and it is just starting to warm up. So instead of hot it has become excruciating; Christmas music seems to make the weather tolerable though. I have to laugh because as I sing about Jack Frost nibbling at your nose, I realize that most Kenyans have no idea what snow even is. Right now it is hard to imagine what cold is, but I know that December is right around the corner and our trip home will quickly reacquaint us with the it; can’t wait to see a lot of you in December!

Resurrection

As I have said before, I am reading the book, “Lord,Give Me a Heart for You” by Kay Arthur. I am always amazed when the Lord brings something into my life, whether it be a person or a book, that ministers to me right where I’m at. That has happened two times today; once with the book, and once with a conversation I had with my sister; both were balm to my soul. They showed me areas that I need to give up, areas that I need to let the Lord heal, and areas that I need to grow in. It’s times like these that I am completely caught off guard by Gods tender love for me. I know in my mind that the Lord cares deeply for me and that He is concerned with the trials that I face, but I have a hard time believing it when life gets hard. I have realized that I give the Lord a lot of lip-service, I don’t know if this is because I want to look better than I actually am, or if it is just a matter of human weakness; doing the very thing I do not want to do. Either way the Lord has shown me that I am adequate in Him, it does not come from myself. The word adequate has a lot of different connotations; capable, effective, competent, satisfactory, sufficient; I am ALL of these IN Christ. I am capable of answering His call to be effective in His work because He is sufficient to get me through; praise you, Father. When I find my adequacy in Christ I can persevere through the hardest storms. He breathes light into darkness and is faithful to do the same thing in a life that is surrendered to Him.

In John 12:24 Jesus says, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds”

Kay Arthur says, “ Fruit is born out of death---death produces life”, I have always said that the Lord showed me this principle when Sam was born. We had gone through a year of loss; loss of a business which led to loss of a reputation, loss of everything we had worked hard to gain. It was a year of sadness and in the midst of it I found out I was pregnant with Sam, I was angry, I saw it as loss...a loss of freedom. The Lord was so faithful to show me, through my pregnancy, that where there is death there is resurrection. Sam was a way for us to know that God gives life, that He hears our cries, that He understands our pain, and that He is still in control. We gave him the name Samuel because it means God hears. He hears us and gives us what we need, even when we don’t yet realize it’s what we need.

Being in Africa is a different kind of death, it’s death of a life that I loved. It’s death of living in a community I knew, in a culture I understood. It’s death of comfort and peace of mind and many times laughter. But what I am learning is that Christ is worth it; This life hurts and lot of times I get angry, but God promises that life will come out of it. He has shown me that when there is death there is resurrection. I haven’t seen the light yet, I’m still searching for the resurrection, but I know God is faithful to give it. I just keep thinking of Sam and remembering that my God is about life.

Hot

All I can say is, sweltering. I haven't been really hot since we moved here until NOW, being in the southern hemisphere it is our winter....but that is quickly changing...yuck. Actually, I'm not sure if tonight is sweltering, or if I'm just having major hot flashes, but either way I'm burning up. With the start of the hot weather we decided to go to Kisumu's country club to go swimming this weekend. I should have taken a picture of what an African country club looks like; I think it's considered a country club when you can see the bottom of the pool. We were very excited to see clear water as it has been awhile since we have swam in a clean pool. The pool we usually swim at has been closed down for cleaning....let's just say, that's a good thing. So with our usual pool closed, Daniel, Lindsay, Tom and I packed the kids up and went to the "club", and had a good time.

Thank you for your prayers, Nattie and Sam are back to normal. We are all praying we don't get what they had. I hope this week is a little more productive than last week; it seems that school gets put on the back burner when I have sick kids. I am still trying to figure out how to be both mom and teacher, and at times, I find it difficult to be both; I wonder if I'm doing either very well. I just keep praying that the Lord will take up the slack, and that He will give my kids what they need when I am unable to.

I just got to talk to my sweet sister-in-law on the phone, and was amazed at how the Lord is working in both our lives. On different continents, in different circumstances we are being taught the same lessons....we serve an awesome God. He isn't done with any of us and will work out His purposes in our lives no matter what the situation. Don't you just wish it was easier? But I have a feeling if it were easy we wouldn't be changing and becoming the people He knows we can be.
We also rejoice in our sufferings (or trials), because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope....and hope does not disappoint us. (Romans 5:3). We will trust that you will produce these things in us and we will lift our sufferings to you, Oh Lord.

Fear

I am struggling with fear, I know this nothing new, but I haven't felt it in awhile. I was basking in the freedom of its absence when it suddenly returned with a vengeance. The cause of this new wave of fear is nothing more than sick kids. If I could be a logical thinker, I would be able to see this; but fear seems to take all logic and leaves one pondering only the worst outcomes. Fear would love nothing more than to lock me in a prison of self-loathing and throw away the key. It's times like these that make me question our decision to come here. Why would loving parents take their four children to Africa? Why would we expose them to a world of disease and heartache? These are the questions that plague me when things don't go as planned. Tom, being of sound mind, always reminds me that kids get sick and then they get better. I can see his point, but I struggle with the lack of medical care and the abundance of disease that Africa has to offer. Am I being a responsible parent by taking my kids here? I ask these questions to God, because in the end, He is the one with our lives in his hands.

I wish faith were easier, but fear is always there waiting to chase it away. Right now I want to be sitting on a couch in California, watching a mindless TV program, nursing my kids back to health in the comfort of the west. Instead I'm sitting in the east armed with some Gatorade powder and an over-active imagination. As I write this, I am reminded that I am protected, not by the west, but rather, by the Lord, the great physician, and I need to trust Him. So I have to keep asking myself...whom am I trusting, and more often than not, the answer is myself.

How do I move from knowledge to faith? Maybe it's by staying here, when everything in me tells me to go home. I need to trust that the Lord has our future in His hands, instead of becoming overly introspective about what He hasn't called me to. I actually don't know how to do this, but I will take action by continuing to lift my kids up in prayer and staying in Africa despite fear. Isaiah 41:10 (NIV) says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you will my righteous right hand." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJ) says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I have to admit that I love the sound-mind part, because that is what fear takes from me; a mind that can logically look at the facts. I will pray that this blanket of fear will lift so that I once again can think logically. I also love that God gives me a spirit of power over fear, I don't need to stay in fear's prison, I'm already free..... Lord, help me to trust you and to believe your word.

Pray that Natalie and Sam would get better and that I would remain sane. Pray that I wouldn't always doubt why I am here. And pray that I would be able to stand up in that spirit of power and break out of the prison of fear.

The Great White North...eh

In honor of all our Canadian friends, Cassie and I decided to make an apple pie for their Thanksgiving. In case you didn't know, the Canadian Thanksgiving is October 8th. Making an apple pie was weird in two ways 1. It’s an American dessert (we just don't have Saskatoon’s around here), and 2. Our Canadian friends are out of the country right now; but we missed them and decided we would pretend to be Canadians for the day....eh? and made our pie. About two years ago I had sworn off pie baking due to my inability to make a good crust. I thought that nothing was worth the trouble of making a pie, but yesterday Cassie started talking about missing apple pie, and my mouth started watering. One minute I was never going to be a pie chef, and the next I was trying to see what we could used as a pie pan. We went to Nakumatt, picked up a "pie pan" and set off on a pie baking adventure. After a time of prayer and laying on of hands, our pie was finished; it was a thing of beauty. I'm not trying to brag, but I almost cried tears of joy when I first laid eyes on it....I took a picture so you too could marvel at what we created. Everything went perfectly until Kenyan Power and Lighting decided it was time for a brown out. A whole 40 volts were pumping into our house as our pie was in the oven. I was so proud of my pie that I couldn't bear to take it out when it wasn't done; I just figured lower heat meant more time. Now I know that hind sight is 20/20, but if I would have stopped to think about it, I would have realized that our oven was temporarily turned into a dehydrator. The thought never crossed my mind, until I took that first bite....all I can say is Jerky. So in honor of our Great White North neighbors, Cass and I have invented apple pie jerky. We also realized that with large amounts of ice cream it isn't that bad; actually to be honest I could probably eat anything with large amounts of ice cream on top. So as you gaze at the picture of my pie, remember that it is a white washed tomb.....looks good on the outside but in reality it's full of nastiness

Softening a Hard Heart

I have just had an amazing night. I'm thankful for the refreshing that comes from worship. We have a team here from the states and after dinner tonight we sang, prayed and shared; it was so encouraging. I think this week I have been too tired to fight. Being in a constant battle has worn me down, and I'm sad to report that I just didn't care anymore. Apathy was calling my name, and I was happy to answer. The status quo beckoned and as I was reaching out my hand to take a hold of it, the Lord softened my heart. I have gone through many ups and downs since I have been here, but this is the first time that my heart has been hard. I was sad and lonely, but I wasn't broken I was rebellious, I wasn't compassionate I was cold. I looked around at this place with an air of arrogance and saw only myself among the needy. It's so crazy how I can actually make myself believe that I have it pretty bad, I can go away from meeting a street child and come home and cry because it's not fair that I have to live here. There is something wrong with this way of thinking, it is always centered on myself. I need to become a selfless thinker....is this even possible? I have been convicted that even most of my prayer time is spent on praying for myself. I don't think this is necessarily bad, but I have a feeling that if I didn't waste so much time thinking about myself I would be healthier. The love of self gets in the way of freedom because it can never see past itself. I want to live a life that isn't centered on me.

I wrote this a few days ago and I thought I would share it because I love the fact that the Lord has renewed my heart toward this ministry. I don't know why I always feel like the victim; why I always feel I deserve more. I wonder when I will completely understand that I am not among Africa’s most needy. When will I see that I am privileged, I write about it all the time, but somehow I haven't grasped it yet. I love the fact that the Lord doesn't look down on me, He forgives me and helps me to keep walking. In 2 Corinthians (1:5) the Lord tells us that we will suffer, but He will be there to comfort us. What an amazing promise, we are never alone in our suffering. I know that my suffering doesn't hold a candle to what some of you are going through, but that is the awesome thing about the Lord, He helps us in all kinds of suffering, whether big or small. He is comforting the kids on the streets in Africa as much as He is comforting a self absorbed mother of four living in a house in Kisumu.

Our bible study is going through the book by Kay Arthur, "Lord, Give Me a Heart for You", it is an amazing book. Kay writes, "When we go beyond our limit, then we experience the supernatural intervention of God and we know that we know that it's God. And we'll never forget it. It will be a genuine experience that will always remind us of the total sufficiency of His grace--grace perfected, brought to completion in our weakness."

Answered Prayer

About a week ago I told the Lord I needed to know why I'm here. I needed to know what my purpose was. I see my husband and other missionaries here and they all have purpose, but I felt like I was just existing until I got to go home. I wrote a letter to God, puring out my heart wanting to have some direction. And in true Julie fashion, I then went to my husband and told him that I was going home in a week if I didn't feel better. Tom was so patient with me, he just simply said he would pray for me. That night our friends Daniel and Lindsay came over and encouraged me and I felt like the Lord lightened my burden (that is what I talked about in my last blog). The Lord gave me strength to keep going, and I praised Him for answering my prayers. I have been slowly feeling better and the Lord has given me peace about staying, so needless to say I forgot about my letter. I forgot about all the questions I cried out for God to answer, until this morning when I logged onto my blog and saw all of the comments. Ephesians 3:20 says, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us" This morning I remembered all the things I asked of the Lord; I'm in awe because He answered every single question through all of you. Thank you for your honesty, I am humbled that the Lord would use me, and am surprised that the Lord can use such weakness to bring glory to Himself. Praise you Father, you are the strength that gets me through my day. I know that the Bible says the Lord's power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) but it's amazing to actually see this principle lived out in life. I praise God that He is attracted to weakness, and that He is using me to fulfill His plan despite myself. Thank you for your encouragement; you have ministered more to me than you will ever know. Thank you for allowing me to pour out my heart and share my life with you. Thank you for not judging me, but rather loving me despite my selfishness. The Lord has used you to keep this weary servant on the right path.......I hope that He will use me to do the same thing for you.

Friendship

We are once again a family of six, and I have to say that it feels pretty lonely around here without our parents. I have run to the computer many times, in tears, over the past few days to blog about my loneliness, but luckily for you, my Internet has been down. At first I was determined not to write another blog about sadness (as I'm sure I'm bringing all of you down) but, as always, my emotions got the best of me and I tried to post a blog every five minutes to no avail. I am now in a better frame of mind tonight, and feel as though my sanity is being slowly restored.

The last place we went with our parents before they left was the Masai Mara. We went on a safari and had a great time. The trip is eight hours of terrible roads, and breathing in dust. By the time we got home to Kisumu I was hot, dirty and my lungs were screaming for clean air. You would not believe the amount of dirt that is on you after a trip like that. The scenery is incredible though, vast plane as far as the eye can see, at one point a leopard ran right in front of our car, which was an answer to prayer. Cassie had been praying our whole trip that we would see a leopard, as we have never seen one before. The people we talked to at the game park said leopards are rarely seen because they are very shy. It had been a hard morning, I lost the diamond in my wedding ring, we had to say good-bye to our parents, and the clutch went out in our car (luckily, with Tom babying it and a lot of prayer we were able to make it home). So needless to say, none of us were happy that morning as we were driving home. There we sat with long faces and tears, when right in front of us Cassie spotted a leopard. We stopped and watched him for awhile, stunned that the Lord had granted our insignificant request. I love that God was showing off just for us. It was exactly what we needed to remember that He is in control. That cat didn't make the pain of saying good-bye go away, but it did make us remember that the Lord didn't forget us here in Africa, He knows we are here and He is walking right alongside us.

I wish I could report that I came home with a light spirit and a song of praise on my lips, but it was quite the opposite. I cried for two days straight and didn't stop until last night when our awesome Friends came over and let me rant and rave about the injustices of my life. They let me talk, they shared the word with me, prayed for me and somewhere along the way my burden was lightened. There is something amazing that happens with godly fellowship; it is uplifting even in the most trying of times. Thank you Lord that you have made us social beings and that you are honored when we come together to help each other run the race.

Masai Mara

Loading up for our trip

Kenya/Tanzania border

Julie took this beauty

Hippo pond

Female lion

Cheetahs

Mzungus

Gram & Pop

Nana & Papa

Crawl

We are leaving on safari tomorrow morning. I can’t believe that our parents trip is almost over. The passage of time can be both enemy and friend, and I find myself seeing it as an enemy right now. My heart is sad because they are leaving, I really don’t want to be left here when they leave. I know I need to stay; there are many more things that need to be refined in me before I leave this place. I always tell everyone, Africa has a way of showing you the things you would rather not know about yourself. It breaks something in you, I don’t know if this is a good thing or not; I do know it doesn’t feel good. But I have learned I can’t always trust my feelings; growth hurts, there’s no way around it. I hope, in years to come, I can look back and see all the good that living in Africa produced, and the faith it built. I pray that I will come out reflecting more of God’s glory and that I would have less of a hold on the temporal. Thank you for all your prayers over my last blog, I feel like I’m once again up and walking (actually crawling would be a more accurate description). I’m happy with crawling (it’s better than standing still), I have decided to measure success in baby steps...... it helps me not get discouraged. Discouragement seems to be a way of life for me lately, I wish there was a way for me to describe the oppression of this place, the constant battle, but I don’t have the words. I just long for victory and know that one day it will come. For now I will continue to crawl toward that finish line and keep my eyes on the prize.
The church behind our house just started their worship service, and I find my spirit refreshed by hearing a body of believers singing out to God. One thing about Kenyans is their worship is never quiet, and right now I’m thankful for that. Although our work here is trying, and being in the cross-hairs of the enemy is tiring, the Lord renews us, and strengthens us for the work He has called us to. I have always wanted immeasurable strength, but instead the Lord seems to give me just enough strength to keep going, sometimes an inch at a time. I know this keeps me relying on Him, keeps me on my knees before God’s throne asking for help.
I’m rambling and I guess the reason for my blog it just to say that I hate that my parents and in-laws are leaving. Please pray for us as we are all going to be lonely in their absence. Cassie and Zach have had a hard few days realizing that their grandparents are leaving soon. We covet your prayers and could really use an extra dose over the next few days, not only for loneliness, but for safety in travel as we are driving to the Masai Mara, and a safe trip home for Tom and my parents. We also want to lift Alexa Alger (Cassie’s good friend) up in prayer as she is having major back surgery on Monday. We love you Algers and are praying for you!

Rondo

We just got back from Rondo. It’s a retreat center in the middle of the Kakamega rain forest. Tom and I wanted to take our parents because it is one of the prettiest places we have ever been. We all loved it, and had a great time. It was refreshing to look out the windows and see beauty; I had no idea how much my soul was thirsting for it. Looking out and seeing the hand of God was amazing; creation truly does point to the creator. When we came back to Kisumu this afternoon, I literally felt the energy drain from my body. All the things that were refreshed in me at Rondo feel as though they are slowly being sucked back out. I can’t explain the feeling, but it’s overwhelming. I wish that I had a better attitude, I wish that I could stop looking at all the difficulties and instead focus on the blessings. But how do I do that? There are times I don’t even want to try, it somehow feels better to sulk in my own selfishness. I”m tired and I have only been here a short time. How do I bloom where I am planted when there are times I feel like I’m dying inside? Maybe the reason I feel so down is that I was surrounded by God’s handiwork for two glorious days and now I’m back in the trenches breathing in dirt and looking at filth. The transition is difficult and I find myself not wanting to walk down this path any longer. Do you ever feel like you want out? Like what the Lord has asked of you is too much? I’m tired of sickness, I could live my whole life without coming face to face with another amoeba. I’m tired of trying to figure out the best ways to solve the problems of this continent. I hate always being serious and frustrated, I just want to be like I was for those days in Rondo, relaxed and calm. I know the Lord has not called me to an easy life, but somehow I feel cheated that I don’t get to be at home. Please forgive my whining, I know I have nothing to complain about, my life is blessed, but tonight is just one of those nights I want to pack up and leave. Please pray for my attitude and my selfishness. Please pray that I would have an eternal perspective and that I will let go of my own will. I need your help Lord, I don’t want to live as a double minded person anymore, I want to serve you, but letting go of my will is beyond me, take over. I open my hands to you and lift up all that I have because I trust you Lord, steadfast my willing heart.

The Dreaded Amoeba

It has been a rough week for everyone here. My dad, my friend Lindsay and my Sammers have all been sick. My dad and Lindsay have definitely been the worst. In fact, my dad said, that besides going through Chemo this is the sickest he has ever been. He is now being treated for two amoebas and a bacteria called Shegella. All of those things are either food or water born, but we can't figure out where he and Lindsay got them from because we have all been eating the same things. Sam is a different story altogether, A few days ago I found him being naughty and playing in some nasty water, I pretty much knew it was just a matter of time before his sickness started. All the sickies are now on antibiotics and anti-parasite medicine and are doing better (not great, but better). Because of all the drama here, it has come to our attention that no one wants to visit us anymore. Thanks Pop, you ruined our chances of ever seeing friends and family in Africa. We have decided to take action, we aren't going to take this laying down, instead we will step up the fight against all this bad press and pray that the Lord will bring all of you here. That's right, you heard me, every last one of you. Tom and I are confident of God's ability to do this, we figure if He can get me here, He can get anyone here. Just beware, the Westfall's are praying!

Pray that my dad will recover completely so we can show him around Kisumu. Monday we are leaving for Rondo, it is in the Kakamega rainforest and is absolutely beautiful. I think it will be a treat for everyone to leave this sick house and go to the rainforest. We will be there until Wednesday, please pray that everyone is able to go so that they can see a different side of Kenya.

Sickness, toilets, and bugs...Welcome to Africa

My dad has been sick for the past two days. We have been praying for him today as his fever has been pretty high. We made him (and I mean forced him) to go to the lab for some blood work. His Malaria test was negative, which we were excited about, but the fact remains that he is still sick. so if you think about it please pray for him. I will keep you posted on his condition.

Besides my dad's illness we have been having a lot of fun together. Tom and Brian have been busy with all the repairs that our house needs. It seems that everyday something else breaks here, I am going to start referring to this place as the money pit. Brian agrees with me, and is, even now, going to place a pan under the toilet because he just found a new leak. I guess I need to be thankful that we have a toilet, even if some of the water finds its way onto the floor. I can handle a small leak, it is the giant waterfalls that I have a problem with. This morning my mom and I came home to a bathroom covered in water, in fact, it was so wet that all the linoleum tiles stared popping off. Brian got right on the job, and by the afternoon our toilet was fixed. Tonight it is the toilet in the other bathroom that is having problems, I guess when it rains it pours.

Not only do we have leaky toilets, we seem to have a major ant infestation in our vehicle. We can't figure out where they live, but one thing is for sure, there are a lot of them. Zach spent the day cleaning the inside of the car, with the hope that it takes care of the problem. If I didn't think that our pest control man spayed "breeding potion" I might have him come and spray our car. But the last time our pest man rode up on his bicycle he had a big can of chemical strapped to the back that promised death, but brought about procreation. Imagine my disappointment when instead of 100 ants we had 100,000 ants in our kitchen. When instead of no bats, we had them flying around our family room. I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing that man is in the wrong line of business.

Even with sickness, leaky toilets and unwanted bugs we are all having a good time, or at least I am!

My Prayer For All Of Us

I was just in prayer and thought I would let you know how I am praying for all of us.

Lord help us to be a people with undivided hearts. Help us to trust you. Let us recognize you and follow you, make us desire your will. Let us put off anything that hinders us or binds us, so that we can be completely yours. Help us to not believe the lie that you don’t have our best interest in mind, but fill our minds with the truth of your word. You are bigger than our situations and our circumstances. Help us not make you into a small powerless god, but see you for who you really are, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. Open our minds to your magnificent power and help us to realize that power lives in each one of us that call you Master. We are your servants, teach us to serve, not to glorify our own names, but to make your name known. Strengthen our faith so that we can step out when you call. Lord help us to live a life that pleases you and not man. Let us be willing to look like a fool for you Jesus. We are weak Father, but you are strong, strengthen us to walk the road before us.

I love all of you, and just wanted you to know that I am lifting you up to the Father.

They're Here

My heart overflows with blessing. I am in awe of a God that gives so many gifts to a person that is undeserving. The last few months have been an intense battle of wills, I want to do the Lord's will, but I can't seem to give up my own. This battle has left me exhausted at times, but as I look back I feel like the Lord has done a great work in my heart. I would never pray to be put in the fire, but it is sweet when, at last, you come out of it, and see how it has refined you. I feel like God has given me a gift in bringing our parents here, it has given life to a tired servant. To hear familiar voices and see and touch people that I love; it has blessed me beyond measure. I don't deserve this gift, but God has given it to me anyway. Isn't that just like Him, it always come back to grace, unmerited favor. Time and time again He gives me such great gifts, and I stand at His throne empty handed; nothing to give back, but a willing heart, and a poured out life. I pray that the Lord will steadfast my willing heart. I want to give my life completely over to him, but I tend to get distracted by the unimportant. Thank you Father that you are all powerful and can take my willing heart and use it for you glory.

Thank you for letting me preach, sometimes I am just overcome by the God I serve. My family arrived yesterday morning and after we picked them up it was a busy day of getting settled. One of the highlights of my day was a video from home that my mom brought. I got to see friends and family doing life and being silly, I cried all the way through it. I will watch that video many times over before I come home in December. It is my connection with the people that mean so much to me. Cassie has now taken it upon herself to send a video message home, so get ready, "The Westfalls Live" is coming to your town soon.

I also wanted to report that we now have a car, thank you God and Shelter Cove. Buying a car has been such a frustrating journey, but now it is finished!!!! Our church at home raised the money for us to buy a car, and I am so excited to finally send them a picture of it with a big note of thanks. I couldn't have asked for a more supportive church, what a blessing they are to us.

While Tom was getting our car in Nairobi, Lindsay and I had a slumber party. All of you who know me, know that I am a big chicken and hate to stay alone. So I made Lindsay, my big protector, spend the night with me, she may be small, but she's feisty. We had a blast, for one blessed night, we were no longer the mothers of children, we were school girls at a sleep over. We watched a movie, stayed up until 3:00 am talking (which has taken me the whole week to recover from,when did I get so old?), and did African beauty masks. The mask promised, "pretty face". We decided "pretty face" didn't sound half bad to us, so we mixed it up, slapped it on, and eagerly awaited the results. I don’t think I achieved pretty face status, for when Zach woke up the next morning he asked me if the mask worked. If that wasn’t bad enough, he then went on to inquire if I had done it right. Thank God for the honesty of children, it takes you from being a giddy school girl to a haggard mom in mere seconds.
Here is a picture of the two pretty faces!!

Fun Sunday!!

The Lord amazes me, His blessings are beyond my comprehension. Today has been a really fun day, and it is a Sunday at that (Sunday's are usually hard). We went to church, out to lunch and then spent the rest of the day swimming (in a pool that had to be about 50% urine, judging by the amount of people and the color of the water). But when Africa is hot and the water is cool somehow the color of the water doesn't seems to matter that much. The blessing wasn't in being able to go to a pool (although that was fun), it wasn't the fact that I can finally swim among bacteria without going through a mental list of the possible diseases I could contract. The blessing was good friends and awesome fellowship. It was talking about the Lord and encouraging each other to keep running the race, even though it is hard. It was laughing and praying and playing and eating pancakes. It was the fact that I truly believe that my Jesus brought a team over from Canada just to encourage my sweet Nattie and Cassie (the team has actually done so much more than this, but this is an answer to prayer). When we first got here Nattie asked us to pray for a friend for her. I could tell that it was really bothering her because she lost her spark. Since we got here she just hasn't been the Nattie we know; until Grayson arrived. He is a five year old boy with a love for pretend and movies (what more could Nattie ask for) they are two peas in a pod and Nattie is finally back to her old self. Grayson has a twelve year old sister named Dani, who Cassie absolutely loves. Cass needed a friend also and Dani was that gift. Cassie is struggling with the fact that Dani is leaving soon and she will once again be friendless. Cass and I had a great conversation about God, and how he gives us gifts in life; sometimes those gifts are for a long period of time, and sometimes they are for just a season. But we should always be thankful for those gifts.

Today is Monday and I just didn't have it in me to finish this late last night. My eyes were burning, due to the sewage swim or the late night hour I will never know, but alas I am back ready to finish my blog. Tom is flying to Nairobi tomorrow morning and driving home Wednesday. Yes, you heard me right, he is going to pick up our car, I am not going to get too excited about it until I see the car here in Kisumu. Please pray for Tom's safety as he drives home, the roads are terrible and the drive is long. We are blessed to have one of the other missionaries (Mike) go with Tom to help him get back here (as there are no road signs!). Just four more sleeps until my parents and my in-laws come, I can hardly sleep at night because I'm so excited. I'll post a picture of everyone when they get here.

Humbled

Sometimes I hate being the new kid on the block. It seems like I'm always trying to put my best foot forward. I want people to like me, so naturally, I don't want to show them the nasty sides of my personality. The problem is, I just so happen to be one of those people that have many repelling qualities; let's just say I'm an acquired taste. At home it's easier, people know me; they understand that I'm too opinionated for my own good. But here people don't know my heart, they don't understand that I have many great qualities, they just might have to dig a little to find them. For the record, I really do try to keep my mouth shut; I want so badly to be a person that has a quiet spirit, but for some reason the desire to speak my opinion over runs my desire for meekness every time. The only reason I bring all this up, is to share why I left Bible Study with a heavy heart today. I go to a Thursday afternoon Bible study with some other missionary women, and I love it. The wisdom of these ladies amazes me; they have helped me through many sad days. Today I went to Bible study with the best of intentions, but as we were all discussing our lesson, an opinion was shared that I didn't necessarily agree with. If I would of kept my mouth shut no one would have been the wiser, but for some reason I decided to ask questions so that I could better understand what they were saying.... that was mistake number one. Mistake number two came when I decided to share my own opinion. Mistake number three was the rebuttal I made after my opinion was disagreed with. I didn't want to win them over to my side, I was just trying to explain my way of thinking. My mom says when I am trying to defend myself I am intense and sometimes abrasive. Mistake number four I was intense and somewhat abrasive. I left that Bible study wishing I could have taken everything back. Does anyone else put their foot in their mouth as much as I do? Is it pride that makes me feel I need to share my opinion with everyone? I wish I knew why I did this, because maybe I could stop. I fear I have tarnished my very new reputation here, and that hurts my heart more than I can express. No one was mean to me or said anything about it (they are all too nice for that), I just left knowing I had made a fool of myself and I felt about two inches tall. I remember Beth Moore saying that anything that humbles us is good for us. I am humbled, but it doesn't feel good. I have to remember I serve a forgiving God and that, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1, NIV) Praise God. I just got done instant messaging my mom and I feel a ton better. I am still a struggling sinner just forgiven......thanks mom for reminding me of that.

Stardom

It has been a pretty busy week here in Kisumu. My kids have been involved in a children's crusade that our friends (Daniel and Lindsay) put on. Cassie and Zach and two other kids (Paul and Dani) did the puppet show portion of the crusade. It was so much fun to see them excited about ministry, although by the end they were all pretty wiped out. It's amazing how many people attend outdoor crusades here. The first afternoon there were about 2,000 people and that number grew as the days went on. The kids were pretty scared that first afternoon, they thought they were going to be doing a little puppet show for some church kids. When we arrived at the sport grounds we were all shocked to see the crowd. I was proud of them as they went up on the stage, I don't know if I would have. I thought for sure Paul wasn't going to go up. He looked at me, right before he climbed the stairs, with terror in his eyes. I patted him on the back and said, "you'll do great." He followed the person in front of him until he ended up in the puppet booth. I like to think that my three word pep talk gave him the courage to go forward, but I somehow doubt it. After the first night was over they were old pros, no sweaty palms or butterflies in there tummies any more; they were famous, who has the time for nerves. As the days progressed and the crowds grew, the puppet masters got a taste of fame, it was reminiscent of Beatlemania. Kids screaming and chasing them, they had to be escorted to their vehicle, and once safely inside, the driver made a mad getaway. They just want to live normal lives, it's stressful living in the limelight. They, like everyone else, put their pants on one leg at a time. They never asked for this kind of fame, but they'll ride this wave as long as it lasts. After all they are at the top of their game.

Our big blue dream has turned into a big blue nightmare. For those of you that don't remember "Big Blue" was the name of the car we were trying to buy. As it turns out we tracked down the owner in Florida (an American missionary) and he had no idea his car was being sold for the price that the dealer was selling it to us for. I don't want to say the dealer was going to steal anything, but I'm so glad the Lord brought this all into the light before we wrote a check. We are back to car shopping, I think we might have one in the works, but I have learned that in Africa one can never be too certain.

In just a little over a week I will get to see my parents and my in-laws. We are all giddy with excitement. That is all we ever talk about, it will be here before we know it. This week is going to be a week of getting rooms ready and planning meals. I hope they like the cuisine, it does take a little getting used to.

The Masai

We battled another bat last night. Cass was the one who spotted it in our living room, she quickly found the man of the house and told him about the flying rodent that was trapped in our home. Tom didn't yell, "every man for himself", but it would have been appropriate with how quickly he fled and shut himself in the back room. I have no room to talk, I got myself under my mosquito net and wouldn't come out. Zach, ever the thinker, went to seek help. He knew with both parents shaking in fear there was a good chance we might turn the house over to the bats and seek alternative refuge. Zach's solution was to bring in the big guns, he called upon the Masai (Julius). For those of you who don't know, The Masai people are a tribe in Africa that are known for being fierce warriors. In order to become a Masai warrior you have to kill a lion with a spear, let's just say Julius has killed two. People in Kenya use Masai as guards because all the other tribes are scared of them. Julius came into our house in a flash and was prepared for battle. He was armed with only a Masai blanket, but the way he twisted it, it became a lethal weapon. He ran after that bat like it his life depended on it; like he had a score to settle. He did some ninja moves that we aren't likely to forget in this lifetime. Zach had given Julius a job to do and he wasn't going to stop until the bat was gone, or my house was trashed (which ever came first). At one point, Tom emerged from his hiding place in the back to see what was happening. The bat seemed to have "Tomdar", he immediately locked onto to him and flew straight for his head. I'm pretty sure that was the point when I heard a high pitched scream come from the man I love, followed by the sound of running and the door slamming ( this is all speculation, seeing as he won't admit to anything ). I don't blame him for not admitting to it, how does one explain to a warrior that a little bat makes you run in fear. Julius looked at Tom with the obvious disgust of one who has gone up against much larger game, Tom trying to hang on to his last sherd of dignity stated the obvious, "I just don't like bats." Enough said, no further explanation needed, the Masai went back to work. A few minutes later Julius was victorious, He held the bat in his hand and offered us his kill. I felt like it was pretty obvious that we did not wish to keep the bat, alive or dead. Maybe he was being nice, thinking that we could stuff the bat and keep it as a symbol of bravery, we could boast of our great hunt to all who came over (conveniently leaving out some important details). Maybe he was just trying to show us that what made us run in fear was a tiny rodent with large wings. Whatever the reason we declined our bat trophy and are once again a bat-less house....at least for now.

Photo Journal

NATALIE'S BIRTHDAY

Nattie finally has some toys!!!

Sam wanted in on the action.

Can't have a birthday without friends.

FRIENDS

Daniel and Lindsay

Cassie and Lindsay

Cooking with the girls, Beatrice and Tinny

Volleyball in the back yard

Natalie Made Daniel a hat for his birthday

Our Kids are helping with a puppet show for a children's crusade

Natalie has a new friend for two weeks while he is here with a team

Blessing

This Sunday we had a BBQ for a team that is here on a short term missions trip. They came from Holland and California and were mostly college students. We had a lot of fun, the kids played volleyball and had a great time (probably because they won). We had a time of worship and sharing. One of the neatest things about having teams over is hearing what Kenya has taught them. The thing I'm always amazed by is most people come here to minister to this country, and leave with this country ministering to them. There is a lot of need here, but in seeing that need it seems that blinders are lifted and people never can go back to their old way of thinking. I think it is a realization that in the west we are so blessed, and yet we take it for granted. The one thing that you have to be careful of when your blinders are lifted is not to become cynical of the west. There isn't a perfect country in all the world; they all have faults. But, to not recognize that we were born into a life of privilege is a tragedy. I was given a free education, and had police service to keep my streets safe. I remember when I was in high school, there was a measles epidemic and, guess what, I was given a shot free of charge just to prevent me from getting sick. I was born into a country that when you get into a car accident you can call an ambulance just by dialing 911. I was born into a country that I can count on my fingers the number of times the power has gone out, and I can honestly say, I don't think I ever remember the water being shut off city wide. I could have applied for grants and loans to continue my education and if that wasn't enough, I could have worked for minimum wage and gotten any number of job offers. I was born into a pretty incredible country, I can worship freely and if I am falsely accused I get a free trail. When people talk about the west in a negative light I always think, we should be praising God that we were born into a country that allowed us to come to Africa and to do what we are doing. Not many places in the world have even enough money for food and shelter, yet I was able to work to buy a plane ticket. We can't take advantage of the free education, that allows us to learn to read and write, that allows us to get a job that puts food on our tables. We can't go to church to worship freely and then leave and talk about how much we hate the west. In a country like Africa we would work a whole week to earn as much as minimum wage does in a few hours. We would have sewage running through the street and the threat of Cholera and Typhoid would always be there. The police would put you in jail just because and never give you a reason why. No, I'm thankful of where I'm from; I never want to turn a blind eye to the fact that being born into the US was, and is a privilege. I'm not saying that we don't have problems, we do need to wake up to the fact that while we feast there are people dying of starvation, that while we go into clean doctor offices, there are people sick on the streets. That while we try to keep up with our neighbors there are people giving up their children because of poverty. We in the west do need to give up our pursuit for more, our need for perfection because ultimately they won't make us happy. We need to find our satisfaction in Christ because He is the only one that can truly satisfy. There will always be things that our country needs to work on, but let's not take our life of privilege for granted.

Nattie's Big Day

Yesterday was a party day for our six year old girl. I thought it would be a day of excitement and fun, but it ended up to be a day of melt downs and tears. I was cooking all day trying to get ready for the party and Natalie kept whining and crying (actually sobbing) at my feet. I was trying to be nice seeing as it was her birthday, but at one point after all my patience had been exhausted, I finally put her to bed. I had two glorious hours without her telling me every injustice that has ever happened to her. I was almost in a good mood when she woke up for round number two in the crying game; instantly my mood went from semi-good to wretched. An hour before party time and I decided to take a break and give my two very dirty children a bath (clean hair looks better in pictures). While I was washing Nattie’s hair I asked her to tell me what the problem was. She looked at me and said, “I thought my birthday was going to be fun, but instead I woke up missing everyone”. At that moment I’m pretty sure an arrow went straight through my heart, I felt sad that I never saw her tears for what they were, I was just annoyed by them. Her attitude got in the way of my plans and I never once thought to take the time and find out the root of the problem. I was excited that she was able to verbalize her home sickness; I am an adult and sometimes I can’t put my finger on what’s wrong, I just know that I’m mad at the world.

Everyone arrived and Nattie’s tears turned to laughter as we celebrated her special day. She was so excited to find out that our family at home had sent presents with us. It was fun to read the cards, I think she liked them as much as the presents. I am so thankful that we were able to take those presents with us because it helped Nattie to feel like our family was celebrating right along with her. Nattie went to bed a happy girl and was so excited to finally have toys. Everyone who came to the party brought a present, so in one day Nattie went from playing with her brother’s toys to having a full basket of her own. I finally feel like I have my Nattie Grace back, she has been playing pretend all morning, AHHH, the wonderful sound of imagination, it beats whining every time.

At four o’clock a.m. Zach woke me up saying his stomach hurt. Another night of sickness, will we ever be able to figure out what’s wrong with him? I’m thinking that it has to be an amoeba or parasite because he has extreme abdominal pain, vomiting and diarrhea. We almost took him to the hospital this morning because he was doubled over in pain screaming, I thought for sure it was appendicitis. I got down on my knees asking the Lord to heal him, praying that if he needed to have his appendix out that it could wait until December when we are at home. I don’t want to be in Africa for any kind of sur-gery, I don’t want to have to put my children in the care of a third world hospital. The Lord is showing me I need to open my hand, release my tight grip of control on my children, He is convicting me to TRUST HIM. The Lord is our physician, I need to go to him before I go to the doctor, that has been hard for me to get used to. I know that I should have more faith, I serve the God of creation, the God who spoke and it was done, yet it is so hard for me to put my kids in His hands. The Lord is helping me to see that He is not only faithful He is amazingly POWERFUL and I need to trust him. Zach fell asleep around 6:30 a.m., he woke up feeling great; as if nothing ever happened. In a few minutes he is going to be very upset when he realizes that we are going to go down to the lab to get some more blood work done. So if you think about Zach please pray for him. Pray that we will be able to figure out what this thing is and pray for me to trust that the Lord is faithful.

Sorry that it took me so long to blog our Internet has not been working, as my friends say TIA (this is Africa). I wrote this a few days ago , but wasn't able to post until now. Zach's blood counts are now normal (Praise the Lord), so we will go to the doctor on Monday and see what she thinks we should do.

Jehovah Jira

Have you ever wondered which direction is the right direction? Ever gotten to a crossroads and didn’t know which way to turn? Every situation has so many different directions; how are you suppose to choose one? In my mind there is always one “right” direction and the trick is trying to find it. This has been hard here, we all want to figure out the best way to help the boys on the street, we want to do what is right for the boys that are at Agape. They are like our own children, we agonize over how to raise them and if what we are doing is what God wants us to be doing. When I first got here I figured that there were cut and dry solutions to the problems here, now I’m starting to see that there aren’t. How do we help these boys without westernizing them, how can we love them and provide for them and yet have them grow into self sufficient adults? Don’t you hate that life’s questions aren’t easy. I wish that there was a formula for everything, but more often than not we are left to fumble around for the answers. I also find it amazing that we can all have different opinions on how to solve the exact same problem; it just goes to show that the formula I’m looking for doesn’t exist. I have looked for it in parenting, in home schooling, and now in ministry and each time I come up short. I think that I’m in search for the perfect formula because once you institute it you don’t have to think about it again, you simply follow the rules. This type of routine is comforting to my personality, the realization that these set of rules doesn’t exist is overwhelming. I don’t think that I’m the only one who is looking for the answers. There are thousands of NGO’s (the same as our non-profit organizations) across Kenya all trying to answer the question of poverty; trying to help children on the streets. The CDC and many major universities are in Kisumu trying to solve the AIDS epidemic. Yet, the number of children on the street is growing and the AIDS rates are climbing, so what is the answer? I do know this, it is not only about knowledge. It is not about simply educating people or giving them the things that make me feel better. I have found that it is easy to give people money here because it helps relieve my conscience, but is that true compassion? Is it helping these boys in life, or just for the moment? I’m finding out that most of the things I do, even under the guise of compassion, are driven by my desire to be the provider or to ease my conscience about living a privileged life. I don’t think this is how the Lord wants me to give, guilt giving is selfish giving and the Lord seems to get cut out of the equation. I have come to realize that it takes a mixture of knowledge and change of heart to make a difference. I can bring the knowledge, but the Lord has to change the heart. To see change we need to be down on our knees beseeching the Lord to bless the work being done here. We need to fight with one spirit (the spirit of unity) because a double minded man is unstable in ALL he does (James 1:8 NIV) . We need to seek and move in the direction of the Lord. I don’t want to merely take care of the symptoms of poverty but rather get to the root. I want Agape to make a lasting difference in the city of Kisumu, will you please join me in prayer seeking the Lord and His direction. Pray that we would be an organization that doesn’t merely hand out a band aid, but rather points people to the one and only provider, Jehovah Jira.